


The Underwear Bandit

by GingerItt



Series: Roomies [9]
Category: Glee
Genre: Multi, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-06-10
Packaged: 2017-12-14 12:04:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/836671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GingerItt/pseuds/GingerItt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mysterious pairs of ladies’ underwear begin to appear around the roomies’ living room and no one can figure out where they’re coming from.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Underwear Bandit

“Girl, I’m glad you’ve got a secret boyfriend and all but can you keep the sex to your room? You made that ‘no sex in the common areas’ rule, after all.” Mercedes fluffs the cushions on the couch as Tina freezes, broom in hand.

“What secret boyfriend?” Tina asks. “And I haven’t had sex in months.”

“You sure about that?”

“I don’t have time for a boyfriend, let alone to have sex, Mercedes. I’m in rehearsal all day and working at the restaurant most evenings.” It was true. ‘Reefer Madness’ had taken up all of Tina and Blaine’s free time during the day and she had gotten lucky, finding a job as a hostess at a gastropub near campus that needed someone to cover the evening shift. “This is my only day off since school ended.”

“Okay,” Mercedes says, pulling a pair of lacy blue underwear from under the cushions, holding them with her index finger and thumb. “Then who do these belong to?” Tina sneers at the panties as Mercedes shakes them out to inspect them further. She gives Tina a knowing look. “Because it’s the second pair I’ve found this month. They’re not mine and if they’re not yours, that leaves Sam and Blaine. Possibly Kurt.”

“Kurt stopped incorporating women’s underwear into his outfits years ago.” She resumes sweeping. “And I don’t see Blaine being into that. Maybe if they were red... What color was the other pair?”

“Purple. And Sam wouldn’t wear these, he has--” she stops, blushing feverishly.

“Care to share with the class, Cedes?” Tina teases. “Does his original Rocky Horror costume make an appearance from time to time?”

“I am not telling you a damn thing, Tina.” She throws the panties at Tina’s face but she bats them away with the broom. “Seriously, though. Whose are those?”

Tina hooked the end of the broom through a leg hole of the underwear and carried them into the kitchen. “I have no idea but I’m putting them on the fridge until they are claimed.” She pulls a few of the brightly colored alphabet magnets from the fridge and arranges them to hold of the panties, spelling out ‘G-R-O-S-S’. “Where’s the other pair?”

She hears Mercedes open a drawer and come in with the other offending garment. This pair is indeed purple but Mercedes had neglected to mention that they were leopard print as well. “You are not.”

“Oh, I am. Random underpants show up in our apartment and the perp is supposed to go un-mocked? No.” She pulls an E and all the Ws from the fridge and Mercedes holds the panties just below the first pair. ‘E-W-W-W-W’. “I want whoever it is to have to look us in the eye and admit it.”

\--------

By the time ‘Reefer Madness’ closes, The Underwear Bandit (as they have come to call the unknown offender) has left three more pairs of women’s panties scattered around their living room. Sam had the misfortune of finding one pair dangling from the ceiling fan in the living room. The refrigerator door is covered with women’s underwear and it’s starting to get really unappetizing.

\--------

During the second week of the first semester, Blaine gets a bad sinus infection and is forced by his roommates and boyfriend to stay home and rest. As he lays in bed, watching ‘Lilo & Stitch’ on his laptop for the thousandth time and sipping his tea, he hears the front door open. He figures that it’s one of his roommates or Kurt, swinging by to check up on him and gets a bit annoyed. He is a grown up and can take care of himself, damnit! Hitting ‘pause’ (Lilo’s about to take out that red-headed brat and it’s his third favorite part) he slowly gets up and pads his way out of his room.

“I am perfectly capable of making my own tea and--what the-- Santana?” As he enters the hallway, he sees Santana Lopez with an extremely tall brunette pressed against the door, hands up each others’ skirts. He gasps, realizing what has been going on. “You’re the Underwear Bandit!”

Santana pulls away from the girl and adjusts her skirt. “What’re you doing home, Hobbes?”

“I’m sick but the real question is what the hell are you doing here?” He sniffles but the judgement on his face is obvious. He looks Santana and her lady friend up and down and sees a single key on a ring. “Where did you get that? Kurt’s the only one with out spare key and I know he wouldn’t give it you without asking us.”

The brunette rolls her eyes and whines, “Santana, I’m gonna go. I don’t see this guy letting use his couch.”

“Damn right, I’m not.” He pushes between them and opens the door. “I’d suggest you leave.” The girl turns to leave but an idea comes to Blaine. “Hold it!” He runs into the kitchen and pulls all five pairs of underwear off the refrigerator and puts them in the girl’s hands. “I’ll let you two sort out whose are whose. Santana, my key.” He holds out his hand and waits. Santana shoots a death glare at him but he is unaffected. “I literally have all day. Give it.”

“These aren’t mine,” the girl says, staring at the panties she is holding. “These are not mine! Santana!”

Blaine didn’t know that it was possible to spike flimsy fabric but the brunette somehow manages it. Santana stands there with the underwear on top of her head and shoulders as the girl storms out, slamming the door behind her.  
“Anderson, that was amazing. But be aware my vengeance will be just and swift.”

“Bring it on, Lopez,” Blaine smirks at her. “And take your girls to your own house from now on, got it?”

“Got it,” she says, pulling the panties out of her hair as she turns to leave. Blaine clears his throat and she stops, sighing as she looks back at him. “What now”

“My key?” He holds his hand out expectantly and she reluctantly presses the key into his palm. “Thank you. Have a lovely afternoon, Satan.”

“Bite me, hobbit.”

“Thanks, but no.” She rolls her eyes at him as she leaves and he honestly wonders how her eyes haven’t gotten stuck that way yet. He goes back to his room and crawls back in bed, tossing the key on his dresser. After un-pausing his movie, he sends a text to his roommates:

‘The Underwear Bandit has been identified and vanquished! - Nightbird’


End file.
